Come to This

Good evening, dear listeners. 

This is a breakup mix. However, before you start wondering who it's about... it's about me.

I broke up with an idea I had about how things are supposed to be. I broke up with a subconscious need I had to "get back to normal" which for me means some version of being married, because that's all I really know. I broke up with worrying about finding someone, about becoming less attractive with every year I age, with dying alone. I broke up with the bitterness of watching someone who said I was irreplaceable replace me within weeks with someone younger and fitter. I broke up with feeling sorry for myself watching the father of my children step into a new home life and pursue his dreams while I struggle through 20 hour days trying to make my life work. I broke up with guilt and I broke up with grief.

I'm not going to pretend I'll always take the higher road, that I won't occasionally have a little too much to drink and cry that I'm not strong enough for any of this. I will, however, always try to be a little bit better than I was the day before. More mindful, more determined, more confident. 

And I will learn to love without fear. 

I will.