Dead End

I think this was a playlist I started with a purpose that got lost somewhere along the way. It's a good one though from a couple years ago. I know I was listening to a lot of these on repeat on my commute to work.

1998 Jetta

So I've actually had this car twice in my life. Once in my actual youth and again when I was older. The first one got totaled when a drunk asshole almost killed my little brother. The second died a slow, lonely death in my driveway because I was driving four hours every day and I bought a sensible little Ford and never had the money or space to get my beloved Jetta working again. 

I'm not a car person but I really, really loved this car.

I imagine one day when I'm making the kind of money necessary to have a "fun" car, this will be the car I choose.

And these are a bunch of songs from those early days, when I had to pull over and switch the CDs in the six disc changer that was in the trunk, when I still had actual physical mixtapes I kept in the glove box. I remember one night, driving with my boyfriend at the time - an amazing post-punk artist type who could play every Jawbreaker song by heart and would read poetry to me in Spanish - and had a very self-aware moment. We were driving with all the windows down on a warm summer night, music up and not speaking, holding hands. I knew that was a moment I wanted to keep, so I let it permeate me, put down roots. I knew then someday I'd be older and different and maybe not with this boyfriend anymore but right then, I was so happy. And moments like that deserve to be kept.

What Lukas Said

I'm cleaning up my Spotify - it's out of control. I have over 100 mixes (I am not exaggerating) in varying states of completion and it's crazy trying to find anything.

Anyway, here's a mix I made a couple years back about a dream I had about someone I knew like 12 years ago. There was this band, see, that I loved called  Emmanuel the Florist. We were buds with all the members, Anyway, in my dream I was talking to Lukas about what I don't remember now, but I clearly remember he was saying, "Fuck what they think, fuck them all."

And in the morning when I woke up, I made this mix.